Date Coaching + Matchmaking FAQ
1. Why would I choose you over someone else? I think my answer to this might surprise you. What I bring to the table that's unique in addition to being a coach, is that I have spent the past 27 years as a licensed marriage and family therapist. My passion has always been around helping people find and keep lasting love, sparks and all. I have helped hundreds of singles and couples discover how to get out of their own way in order to bring the "right" love to their lives. My intuition has a lot of hard science behind it and this will give you exactly what you need to jump-start your love life and get it back on track once and for all.
2. Who hires you? Great question. As I think about it, my typical client is educated, selective, attractive, sophisticated, and looking for a high-quality partner. He or she may also be:
- An accomplished 35+ Gen X'er who let love (and family) pass them by while focusing on their career or other accomplishments
- Over 40 and getting back into the dating world after many years and feels intimidated or unsure about where to start
- Living a busy, full life and is now ready to find their "Plus 1"
- Someone who dislikes online dating (and hasn't yet learned the secrets to make it successful for them)
- Totally confused as to why they keep attracting the same kind of person to date (e.g. NEW love that turns out to be the same WRONG love in "new packaging")
3. How does your background as a therapist help our work together? As a licensed psychotherapist for over 27 years, I bring vital insight about what makes us tick, and what makes love "click" to our working relationship. Much of the stress and conflict that people experience during the dating process can be avoided if you know what to look for. Knowing those signs is what my expertise brings to you. I will help you let go of your old "love rut", and create new grooves. And to be fair, I'm not a magician. Fixing old dating habits or creating new ones take time. Like anything worthwhile, it has to be learned and practiced.
Your brain really is "Wired For Love". As unromantic as it may sound, understanding how your brain reacts to attraction, love, and intimacy in your significant attachment relationships allows you to take better control over your romantic future. My goal is to help you become more approachable and attract the people you want to your life. The exciting part is that from the moment we get started, you will walk out with practical suggestions to use right away. As your mentor, cheerleader and "doctor of romance", I will provide the map so that you can arrive at exactly the place you want to be in your love life.
4. Is our work together confidential? Yes, absolutely, unless you give me permission in writing to do otherwise.
5. As a woman, I'm curious how your image consulting services can help me? Very simply, we bring out the catch that you already are! Our goal is to find and maximize your own beauty, style, and strengths to help you put your best foot forward (in great shoes, of course). In order to have the "real" you shine, we make sure that your hair, makeup, wardrobe, and accessories (even your glasses!) are flattering and up-to-date. We also work hard to emphasize your natural assets and de-emphasize any trouble spots so you look and feel your very best. For many woman this also includes exploring the clothing, shoes and accessories that slim up your look. All of this will give you the confidence you need so that when you're on a date you feel (and look) your very best.
6. As a guy I think I pay enough attention to the way I look. My sister says I could use an overhaul. What kind of stuff do you do? Many great men unknowingly hide their sex appeal which often catches a woman's eye. We find it and show it off! Often men need a few little tips here and there to help them look their best. Some things that come to mind are grooming/a great hair cut, advice on what to wear on a first date and easy cosmetic fixes (like trimming a uni-brow or whitening stained teeth) that so often turn a woman off. By addressing these concerns, you will not only look your very best, but also attract more interested women in the process.
7. I don't like my profile picture, do you have any suggestions for a better one? Absolutely! I'm happy to share my thoughts with you. The way I offer my suggestions is either by phone, Skype or in person and it usually looks like this: After I have had a chance to look over your photos and talk with you about what you like best about your look, we decide on the kind of images that will work the best for you. Ideally, your head shot should show you in a positive light and inspire the person looking at them to take the next step to reach out to you. That is my ultimate goal, to help turn your image into one that inspires curiosity from the people interested in getting to know you better.
8. What kind of image is more likely to attract a good guy? I don't want to show too much skin if you know what I mean? 65% of what we communicate is nonverbal, though our body language, facial expression, gestures, and the way we move. Like it or not, men are extremely visual and they are going to check out your photos first. If they like what they see they'll move on to your profile. You don't need to show cleavage, or "too much" skin, but I would suggest showing just enough to let him see your feminine side. Through interviews and research men overwhelmingly say they want someone who enjoys being feminine. More importantly, a sense of style, looking bright-eyed and rested, a genuine smile that comes from within, and showing that you take care of yourself will attract a man who is attracted to those qualities.
9. I'm not a really good "natural" flirt. Do you think I can ever learn how to be a better one? Many people think that either you can flirt or you can't. Not true! It is a learn-able skill and I teach it to men and women all the time, in private coaching, matchmaking, and in my workshops. We were all babies starting out, and I've never seen a baby who didn't flirt. Flirting is about being playful and feeling comfortable with it, which is achieved by learning the skills.
10. Do you offer social events for people 50+ to help them meet other singles? Yes I do. I host a "Sunday Night Singles" mixer one Sunday each month where I give a brief talk on a relevant dating topic. There is a lively discussion between the sexes that makes for lots of fun and learning, followed by more socializing and refreshments.
11. I'm over 50, do you think I still have a chance of finding love? Yes, there's no question that people over fifty are meeting and falling in love more than ever before (I should know; I found the love of my life after 50!). But to make that happen you need to be proactive and take charge of your love life. As a licensed psychotherapist for over 25 years I use my expertise about love to help you discover what is holding you back, and cutting-edge information to move you confidently toward your goals. Check out my 50+ Dating page to see how your next step can be your best step (and it's free!)
12. I'm terribly shy and find it hard to meet women. How can you help me find someone special? First of all, let’s get your biggest worry out of the way: there is nothing wrong with you. Temperament, biology and environment all play a role in shaping our personalities. Shy people tend to keep the best part of themselves hidden because the intuitive, easy-going social part of you isn’t as strong as the cautious, analytical side. Oftentimes, shy men are logical thinkers, kind, have their careers in check and tend to be more on the quiet side (all very attractive qualities to women).
Your struggle is that flirting, knowing how to approach women, make conversation and being your full authentic self is not something that you have learned how to do. That’s where I come in and help you clarify who you are, what you want and what you uniquely bring to the table. It’s hard to pursue women in a genuine way without knowing more about yourself. When you're ready, let me help you.
13. People have called me an introvert all of my life, do you think this limits my chances of finding love? First off, do you think you’re an introvert and does it hinder your ability to be comfortably social and pursue romantic relationships? Only you can know that, as well as how introverted you are. Introversion is not “positive” or “negative” trait. It is a style that reflects your temperament and biology. It reflects a continuum of how energized you feel by engaging with others verses the amount of energy drained when you experience too much interaction with other people. Introverts need to have more alone time to regroup, but it does not mean you are non-social by any means! Nobody is either all extroverted or all introverted - we are a balance of each; however, we all lean one way more than the other.
Most men and women are romantically attracted to someone who provides a balance that complements their style. I can help you broaden your romantic options so you can find true and lasting love. I have proven and practical ways for you to find the right person and the love you deserve as soon as you're ready.
14. I'm getting to an age where I really need to find a husband so I can have kids, can you help me? Absolutely, yes I can. It's not uncommon for many women to spend their 20's and 30's focused on their careers only to wake up one day feeling worried that the time has slipped away. Let me reassure you that there is still time to find a good husband; not just someone who wants to be a "baby daddy".
How do I do this? My training includes work with Rachel Greenwald and her book, "How to Find a Husband After 35". Rachel's work is instrumental to helping people understand the unique challenges of dating when you're in the critical time of looking for a good partner and father to your children WITHOUT succumbing to the pressure of age. This is a very practical program that addresses the unique challenges that women over 35 face when searching for a husband. I have adapted Rachel's model into a group coaching program designed to get you working immediately on finding the special man of your dreams. This class is not just theory; it is intended for the woman who is serious about resolving this issue. If you are tired of worrying that you'll miss the chance to be a Mom and want to move forward with the next phase of your life, click here to learn more or to enroll.
15. If I wanted to see you as a therapist, could you also be my date coach? Unfortunately, I wouldn’t be able to be both. While therapists and coaches each want the best outcome for their clients, the training, approach, concerns, roles, and boundaries are generally very different. In working with you it can become easy to confuse the role of therapist and coach (for each of us), which would likely interfere with either being done well. Therefore, before we begin working together, we would want to make a decision about which role I would play for you.
16. How is coaching different from therapy? Good coaches and therapists are each concerned with listening well, establishing a trustworthy relationship, and wanting to help clients create more satisfying and joyful lives. However, therapy focuses on healing psychological conflicts including: past trauma, emotional difficulties, and relationship/family issues. Therapy looks to make connections between the past and the present. This is often accomplished by examining one’s experiences, thoughts, behavior patterns, relationships and beliefs.
Coaching, on the other hand looks at the present predominantly. It looks at the past as a means to help understand the current struggles/goals, but overall is very goal and task-oriented, focusing on improving one central area of life such as dating, relationships, career, organization, or productivity. To this end, coaches utilize a teaching model with tools, strategies, and other approaches to help people change.
17. What kind of dating issues can you help me with? My ability to help you date successfully starts with getting to know you and establishing a great co-partnership. A short list of what I can help you with includes:
- Bringing out your best features and style
- Assessing dates for how strong of a potential partner they would make
- Recognizing and adjusting unhealthy partner choices
- Learning to flirt and make small talk
- Mock dating and prepping you for how to have a great first date (so you get to a second one!)
- What to avoid on a 1st date (e.g. things like how much to share, who pays, how intimate to be and how to have a great goodbye)
- Knowing what to do - and what NOT to do - with someone you’re attracted to
- And more, all tailored to your specific dating needs
18. What does it cost to work with you? Great question. Before quoting you the fee for coaching, I first need to know more about you and what your needs are. To figure this out, I have a series of forms I need you to fill out and return to me before we have our first of two meetings. Our first appointment is a 90-minute meeting where we get to know each other. After that session, I will review all your information (including your dating needs and wishes) to determine which of my coaching packages/services would best meet your needs. After that is completed, we then get together for our second meeting - this time for a 30 minute session- where I share my recommendations and fees. From there, you can decide what program works best for you and we can get started. Our telephone consultation call is free and I invite you to call me directly at 818.905.8568 to discuss your needs in greater detail.
19. Do you offer discounts? I do offer discounts and the best way to find out what is being offered is to call me for a free consultation. On that call we can discuss your needs and what is available.